Description
The Early Years – By Pinchas Winston
IN THE EARLY 1990s, a rabbi, probably in his late 70s, stopped by my office to raise money for a book he wanted to print. Being a fellow author, I was of course sympathetic and we started talking.
He happened to mention that, had it not been for the word processor, he would never have written his sefer. It made writing so much easier for him, and allowed him to go the full distance and complete his work.
I told him that I knew exactly what he meant. It has always been hard for me to write even a full sentence by hand. And usually by the end of the sentence, the words wouldn’t even be completely legible. I just don’t like writing by hand, and hardly ever sent letters home when I was away.
Then our word processor arrived, one of the first Apple computers ever produced. My father bought it for his office, and allowed me to use it for my own work when I wasn’t busy with his. Although a dinosaur by today’s standards, it enabled me to cut and paste, which meant EVERYTHING to me at the time.
Until then I had used the yeshiva’s computer to produce written material. Mistakes hurt. They were costly. And to a perfectionist, white-out was not always an acceptable solution. Thus I was forced to retype entire pages because of a few accidental errors.
Furthermore, I was not one for outlines. I write from the heart, and usually get going once I have a general idea of what I want to say. If I changed my mind later on, it would mean retyping entire sections of text. That could be VERY discouraging.
The ability to cut and paste changed my life. I could make mistakes and fix them on the computer before I even printed a single word! It reduced the cost of perfection and perfectionism, and that could ONLY be encouraging. I had no idea at the time what was coming next technologically, or even that I would spend years writing books, but the computer certainly made it more likely.
Then came the graphics capabilities. I could finally typeset in-house, and even draw my own diagrams. I never really jumped to the more savvy programs because they’re SO expensive, and I very much enjoy trying to use basic functions to accomplish sophisticated tasks. Admittedly, it can be limiting, especially when it comes to designing book covers.
Eventually I was able to eliminate another aspect of publishing that made book production quicker and more satisfying. Rather than writing a rough draft and later formatting the final version for printing, I now write right directly into the final format from the very beginning. Every chapter I write from scratch is in the format decided on in advance, which gives the feeling of a finished book during the whole writing process.
It took years and many books before I actually identified myself as a writer. I wrote books, yes, but I wasn’t really a writer. What’s the difference? There isn’t one. But in my mind a writer was someone who was talented at the craft, evident from how well he produced his work. I was just someone who had something to say, and writing was my way of doing it.
So when people would ask me, “What do you do?” I would answer, “I write books.”
“Oh,” they would say, “you’re a writer.”
“No—I just write books,” I would clarify.
“What’s the difference?” they would ask, confused.
That made me think for a moment, and then say something along the lines of “Well, I do write but I just don’t feel like a writer.”
Eventually I came to accept the reality—and the responsibility. As I have seen after editing my own material or just reading something I wrote years earlier, it is extremely easy to be misleading. At the time I wrote something, it would seem perfectly clear to me. A day later, and more so years later, I can’t imagine what I was trying to say or even why I felt the need to say it.
This is partly because every book has its own mindset. While writing it, you enter that mindset, and for the duration you see everything through the eyes of the book. When others read it, they do the same and, if it is written well, it can provide a truly new and enjoyable experience.
But once the book is done, you move on. You step out of the book and shut the door behind you. You remember the book, but not what it felt like to write it. I even become detached from my past works.
Fortunately Torah is endless. It can be learned and taught on four levels of Pardes, greatly increasing the source of ideas. No sooner do you finish one book than you get an idea for a new one. It makes moving on rather ceremonial, and starting a new book quite automatic. These days, thanks to Amazon self-publishing, I can even work on more than one book at a time.
At the end of the day though, credit has to go where it is due, to God Himself. Everything in life is a gift. EVERYTHING. We may take much for granted, but that is OUR shortcoming. Any ability we have, any idea we think of, all technology that makes productivity easier, and all the people who help us along the way—all are gifts from God.
As we learn from Rashi, we really don’t accomplish anything at all on our own. We will to do something but, at best, we just busy our hands with the task at hand, while God Himself really does all the work. He just makes it seem as if we have done the work. This is easy to forget, but so very crucial to recall.
WHEN I BEGAN this book, it was mostly intended to be a catalogue of my books to help promote them. As I continued writing and felt a need to provide some background information, it occurred to me that it would have to be more like a personal diary of my writing, for PERSONAL purposes only. No one in my family has any idea of all that I have done over the years, and this diary could provide a record of my work after I can no longer tell them about or remember it.
When I ran some chapters past my editors, they insisted that the book has value for non-family as well. Aside from helping other would-be writers find their way, they felt that there are stories and anecdotes that could inspire ANYONE who reads them.
I hope so. But I also apologize from the outset for any boring or overly personal details that have been included. This book has been kind of an indulgence for me, and if at the end you’re still okay with that, then I thank you even more.
Pinchas Winston
